Tomarrow Came! Rage!

Well - I got a shout back on that letter I sent to my exboyfriend (Recent). He said he would be "FRIENDS - for what that is is worth." fuck that! I don't want to look at his ugly face. He made me the way I am right now. I might just let him know that via email back. He made me see the light of this world and being cruel is the way to go. The way to be in my life and the way to make things happen is the crush other people. No cares about you as a person only what you can give them. There is no investment in the heart anymore. That is why the divorce rates are so high - once the other fails somehow the other leaves. That is the name of the game - be perfect or lose. Perfect body, mind and soul. I have been trying to be perfect for years for everyone and everything, because I was not perfect in body - I had to be absolute in mind and soul. If I failed people would make fun of me over and over again. Drawing attention to my failure and loss. Telling me to get over it quickly and that has taken its toll. I got over losing my husband (ex to be) in less then three weeks because there wasn't anyone here to talk to about it and no one wanted to listen to it with out saying get over it and move on. This is a good thing or what ever. The same thing has happen all of my life so I have stopped feeling things completely and totally. I have never really gotten over anything because I carry it with me instead of letting my self feel it and then shead it over time. There is no time to feel or shead in my life. They are all knives in my heart and now I am going to place the same pain in other peoples hearts and souls.
No I am not going to be some crazy nut and do something stupied - which if I was reading these I would think...No way - I don't want that. I just want to hand back what was given to me to others. The looks and the speech. Nothing more. Not going to physically hurt anyone or anything. I am not that cruel but the words I will say will be just like being hurt that way. I was not expecting the pain handed to me by others and they will not expect this from me.
I don't think I will date again because now I really can't trust anyone and with the rage I feel - in turn - I really don't want to hurt anyone because it would hurt me more then you will ever now. I just have stopped talking to people in general and that is a good thing but if you screw with me I will slap you back with words. I am done being the nice person and not I am going to be the person others created. The evil is screaming out and I no longer want to hold it in. I am raging against the night.