Cleaning up the house!

I just found a bunch of my exhusbands stuff mixed in with stuff I had in the walk in closet. I am not sure what to do with it but maybe toss it or sell it. He left me with all the bills so I might try to sell it. I am sitting here in pain again. I live in pain 24 hours a day. I have a feeling one day when the doctors can look past the weight they will see what is really wrong with me - you know - like cancer! I have heard that a lot of overweight people are never treated and just die and when they do a autopsy they find that they had cancer. If I find out that I have cancer I am going to Yellowknife NWT Canada and taking a long walk. I found a wonderful area to walk at and I would walk until I could not walk anymore. I would carry food with me and when it runs out then I will try to survive in the wilds and when that is done...then I am done. That would be a positive way to go for me. I loved it up there for some reason and that would be the best place for me to go.
I feel like I am about to scream from the pain I have.
I am headed to bed and will be asleep soon. When I sleep I feel no pain and I can live the way I did before my change. I can feel again but when I am awake I can't feel anymore. I feel dead on the inside like someone just needs to turn off the life support and let me rest. I won't do anything stupied - I just feel like that sometimes.
I guess what I am saying - I don't hate people but people hate me. No one cares and I know that now. Any man that can walk out on you on Christmas Morning and then another walks away because of a bad email - there just aren't men left here in this world. There isn't that lonely person out there that is looking though these - looking for someone special. I know what I have said - I plan on hurting someone - I don't and I wouldn't. I am not really that way but I will not be taken advantage of anymore. That I can promise. I want someone that is plus size (300 pounds or more) white age 30 -36 no children and if possible never been married only has had 3 or less sex partners and is well to do. I want you to have your own home and life. No debt or bills that need paid except for the common ones. I want you to pay for the first date and accept me for who I am and not ask me to change. Must like Star Trek, Roll Playing Games and collecting. I like travelling to Las Vegas and love playing slot machines. Must not be a heavy drinker - social on everything including smoking. Must not be a ex-con or have been in trouble with the law. Must not be a crazy nut and killer. (LOL)
Those are the things I am looking for in a perfect mate. Plus must be able to say I LOVE YOU quickly.
I know I will never find anyone like that ever because they just aren't out there. They don't exist. They don't want plus size women. They have money and they can have that thin woman that really won't accept them. They will tell them to get rid of their collections and everything they do is silly. Then they will start on thier weight and make fun of them for it. Then the woman will start an affair with the pool boy just because she really didn't marry him for him but his money. Then she will get half of his stuff in the divorce and he will be soured for the rest of his life. So if that is what you want then go for it but if you want a wonderful relationship that will last a life time then look over here.
That is just the way I feel today.