Elizabeth and Me - Story for Non-Fiction Class

****This story is a story I wrote for my non-fiction writing class. This instructor told me that I was the worst writer she had ever read. She told me to even be good I would need many classes. She also informed me that I was not "SHOWING" a story but just "TELLING" a story. I started writing this at 4 AM this morning and was done at 9 AM this morning with revisions. It is not perfect yet but I find it to be good. Let me know what you think and tell me what you think and tell me what you think the main character is before the end of the story and where you surprise by the outcome. I will let the you know what I recieved on this short story and if I passed the class. ****

Elizabeth and Me
When I woke up, I found my self in front of a large set of spotlights. They warmed me with the heat created and began to feel the fade. An assemblage of people had gathered in front of me, looking at me with a discerning eye. A little girl stood in front of them all, she was wearing a crimson dress with ashen lace around the bottom of the skirt. She came closer to me and touched me with her soft velvet touch. The touch struck my heart with pangs of happiness and sadness at the same time. Her eyes seemed to be full of amazement and wonder for the first time in her life. She used her finger tracing around me and I followed her with my heart.

“What do you think your doing, Elizabeth?” Her mother said pulling her away.

“We will take it! My little girl looks like she cannot live without it. Anything for daddy’s little girl!” Her father said as he rustled his daughter’s hair and she giggles.

“Follow Me.” The older man said as he pulled them in to a room too far off in the distance for me to view.


When I awoke again, I was next to a great table with several large azure colored vases and a small box on it. This box was wooden and decorated with silver and gold inlay with a scarlet ribbon running though the design. The legs of the table were of an eccentric black metal that I have never had visions of before. The davenport was of great size and could seat many family friends. It had pin flowers in cherry and indigo colors that covered the outside and the pillow that rested there were of stripped in golden and navy hues with lace running the boarder.
The next thing I envisioned was the huge white fireplace that seem to run from the one side of the room to the other. It had large white Greek columns that supported a large mantel. The mantel had pictures running the ledge of family members I have not yet met and may never meet with each having a golden frame. A large painting above that of the beloved little girl, Elizabeth, that touched my soul, she was in a cobalt blue dress and had a wondrous smile that keeps my heart contented.
A crackling fire was burning within the fireplace and the faint scent of smoke raffled though the house. The flames of crimson, scarlet, ruby and burgundy that licked the air around, glowing bright but not as bright as the warm sun coming though the pane glass window. The window was tall with large thin panes of glass separated by boarder of a cross matched pattern. This home appeared to be in some type of recaptured Victorian style. These were the objects I would view for many year unlike where I was in the past where it things were dangerous and shadowy.


The man and woman who created me, talked about me everyday. I was their best creation yet and they hoped one day I would bring them wealth but that was not to be and they placed me in a small dark room for many years. The moths would beat themselves at me as if we were in war before I was sold away to an old man.
The smoke from the old man’s pipe would stain me as he read his books of Naval war and conquest from his comfortable chair. He dropped his hot ashes on me and that would burn my mind. After many years, only after he passed on, I was freed and repaired only to find my self in a room of smokey dealings and gunfire. I found my self in front of a bulky black desk and had fat legs. The man would call people in and it always began like this.

“So when are you going to pay me Joe?” The big man would say while smoking one his long and fat cigars.

“I will as soon as the race is over…I promise.” The other man would always say.

“I will grant you an extension, but it will cost you. Boys.” The big man would say motioning to his men who stood in the back of the room in the darkness.

I started to wonder what part of this man body was about to be loss. I took bets with myself as to what body part was going to come crashing on to me and how loud he was going to scream. I lost my heart in this place, there was nothing but pain there. I kept thinking why these people do not pay him!


I am here now in this pleasant, secure and breathtaking house. It was then that Elizabeth came through the door with her doll. A woman followed her in to the room and placed a book on the table near me. She open the small box and takes out a sewing pin. The woman’s step was full of spite and anger as she passed near me.

“You need to study. If you want to get in to a good private school, you need to know this stuff.” This woman, for whom I believe is some type of tutor for Elizabeth, shoved the book in to Elizabeths hand as her doll fell on to me.

“But Ms. Olive.” Elizabeth said in a small voice.

“You need to give up these childish things and study.” Ms. Olive picked up the doll and threw it in the fire.

“Noooo!” I wanted to scream but I without a voice.

“Noooo!” Elizabeth screamed, “Wait until Mommy and Daddy finds out!”

“Mommy and Daddy are not going to find out are they!” As Ms. Olive takes Elizabeth by the ear and uses the sewing pin to move her over to the end of the davenport and she let out a cry as she prick her with the pin.

“No…Ms. Olive. They won’t find out.” Elizabeth said reclusively.

“Good.” Ms. Olive said as she took a seat next to Elizabeth.

I did not feel as pleasant, secure and the house did not seem as breathtaking as it did only moments before. It was like every place else I had ever been before. The walls speak to me and some walls lie and others tell a history. The soft hue of blood of long wiped away speaks many words to me. Can I change anything here? There is only so much I can do but I will do my best to protect my beloved Elizabeth from this day.


Viewing out the large paned window, I could see the soft falling snow. I like snow because it seems to chill evil souls and bring angles alive. The white velvety flakes fall one on top of the other piling up building walls of their own. Walls that gain in strength and fall, combining with other failed walls building on the failure of the other.
Elizabeth sat on the floor near me in her grey and black school uniform. She had a couple of new dolls that she had set up for a tea party. I was in the middle of the tea party, sitting there like her dolls in silence but happy to be invited. Elizabeth poured each one of us some air tea and took a sip. She did not speak very much and I did not speak at all, so she and I was a perfect match. She refilled everyone’s cup and moved some of her dolls to new positions. Some sitting on me others sitting on the wood floor. It was then that snow caught her attention; she stood and walked over to the window. She place one hand on the thin glass pane and frost appeared around her small hand. Her body was warm and was fighting way the evil of the cold.

“Elizabeth, Sweetheart why don’t change out of those clothes and get on your snow suit. We will go out and play in the snow. Ms. Olive isn’t going to be here today she is stuck in the snow…That is so cute.” Her mother said as she came in the door from wherever it is that she goes all day. She looked like she was tired but wanting to spend time with Elizabeth and that made me happy. She saw the tea party on the floor and this amused her because of the cup that was placed with me.

“Honey, why did you put a cup here?” Her mother asked as she picked up the up from the floor.
“It…just felt right. It makes me happy, mom.” Elizabeth looked at me with a smile and if I could, I would hug her.
Viewing out the window again, I could see Elizabeth making snow angles in the ever building flakes of fluffy white snow and I knew then the evil had been chased away that day. Elizabeth was allowed to be a child that day and that filled my soul with good feelings.
The telephone answering machine turned on, “This is the police we want to inform you that Greta Olive has been killed in an accident, please call me here at…” The sound faded away as I fell to sleep again.


I was awakened, it was in the middle of night. A teenage looking Elizabeth was lying near me on the floor. She had a candle that lit the area in front of her as she traced my body again as she had done so long ago. She traced my soul and heart with the tips of her velvety fingers. Tracing my history with her mind, learning of the mysteries within me that were taking her on travels she never took with me. Yet, I felt she was there in those travels with me somehow because no one had ever taken an interest in me before.
Elizabeth looked down at me from above and found something that I did not know was there. She found a shard of history hidden within my body that was a shade of green and brown. She took it away and it shined in the light of the candle and she looked at it closely as if she was on an archeological dig.

“You have a history I know nothing about. You are the most wondrous and delightful creature. I am glad my father brought you home from that awful place. Mother did not want you but she could not say no when I looked so bemused by you and dad insisted on taking you home with us…You don’t say much do you?” Elizabeth said looking at all of me and my soul swelled up, this was the first time any one had ever addressed me directly.

“You are loved Elizabeth!” I wanted to say but remained silent.

“You are loved!” Elizabeth said back to me as if se heard me. If was able to cry I would. Elizabeth laid her head on me and I covered her as best as I could and we fought against the night together until I fell to sleep next to her.


I awoke and found my self outside; I was bent over a long running wire in the middle of a grassy yard. The sky was a beautiful cobalt blue that kept my attention for a few monuments before it began. It started slow but it was done deliberate and with immense force. A swoosh and then the pain of an enormous hit on my back. I was being beaten by someone and I could not see who or what it was. They were hitting me from behind and I cannot move to make them stop. I saw dust falling from my body I could envision my history being torn away with each and every hit. The droplets of dried blood from the madman and the ash from many smokey nights in rooms filled with loose men and women having their way on and near my body without my knowledge.
It was with each hit of that stick I was being born again, being shaken back to life and history being forgotten. It was no longer painful but invigorating and revitalizing to feel clean again. It was then the person came around to my side and showed himself or herself to me. It was Elizabeth and she was much older still. This time she had a grey streak in her hair and a more humbled smile. Time is passing so quickly and to me in was only a little while ago she was playing with dolls and now I do not know what interest her.

“Your color is leaving you isn’t it.” Looking at my body with introspection, “Could it be…because I just beat the color out of you! HA!” Elizabeth said as she lifted the stick above her head in a mad sort of way but laughing.

“You have made me clean again.” I would say if I could speak aloud.

Elizabeth continued to beat my body with the stick until the dust would not fall. The history could not be held with in my body anymore and I was freed by the feeling. She took me off the long running wire and held me close to her as she carried me back in to a house. For the first time I was able to touch her back and hold her, as I wanted to do for so long. It was not the same house as I had been in before, it was much smaller and I felt so welcome there for some reason. Elizabeth sat me down and I fell back to sleep right there on her floor.


It was not until many years before I would awaken again. I saw my Elizabeth now an old woman sitting in a large plush chair. She had a wonderful look in her eyes, as if she was about to take a long journey of her own. I was so happy to envision her one last time for I knew when I woke up again I would not be near my Elizabeth.
I was curled up by her swollen feet and legs. She had on a soft pair of slippers and hose. She wore a soft crimson dress with ashen lace, almost as I had seen her as a child. I was fighting time now with my Elizabeth and I hated it. I had to fight time with many people before but this time it was personal. I had some how fell in love with this one. I wanted so much to be one of their kind. To put my arms around my Elizabeth and tell her that she was going to be okay and give her life like she had done for me only in my mind yesterday. To reach out and touch her soul and bring youth back in to her and give her the love she had given me so long ago.

“Are you going to just stare at me, but of course that is what you do the best.” She looked down at me and smiled as she did when she was child in that shop.

“Of course…I love you Elizabeth.” I would have said if I could.

“It is time… you are the only memory that has stayed with me all of my life. I am so glad you have been here to help me remember the good. You remember my mother and father and because of you, I can too. I want to thank you for all that you have given me over the years. I fell in love with you, my friend.” Elizabeth said as if she heard me speak to her. It was then she stood up and laid down on me. She took her finger for the last time and traced the shapes on my body.
I could feel her warmth turn to cold as she passed away on my body. It was some time later before they came and found her there with me. I had wrapped my self around her to keep her safe until they came. They pushed me away and took her from me and if I could cry, I would but I cannot because after all this time all I ever was…was an Oriental rug.